


New Formula

by Chalatan



Category: Penn & Teller Get Killed (1989), Penn & Teller RPF
Genre: Fake Blood, M/M, silent!Teller
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:27:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26184931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chalatan/pseuds/Chalatan
Summary: Teller comes up with a new formula for fake blood. Penn tries it out. Could be established slash or could be gen, depends where you draw the line. Playful fooling around.
Relationships: Penn Jillette/Teller (Magician)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	New Formula

Penn grabbed a coffee and wandered around looking for Teller. He found him in the little office/workshop nook round the back were they tended to sit on a battered old couch and brainstorm bits for the show. Teller was at the counter mixing something vibrantly red in a bowl before carefully pouring it into a funnel. Penn watched him for a bit before commenting.

“What you got there? New formula?” Teller turned around and Penn saw that he’d apparently been eating the stuff because it was slowly dripping through his partner’s slightly parted lips. Teller gave him a gory grin and then offered Penn the bowl. As expected it was filled with some sort of fake blood mixture. Teller motioned that Penn should have a taste. He sniffed it experimentally. Teller impatiently dipped a finger in like it was cake batter and then sucked the red liquid off it happily. This did not reassure Penn at all. He’d seen the kind of things Teller was willing to put in his mouth, especially if he thought he could get a reaction from it, and so he wasn’t about to blindly follow suit. Penn carefully extended his pinky and dipped the tip into the mixture before holding it up to his lips. The texture was good, and up close it looked better than their last stuff. Teller stared at him intently and licked his lips.

“This better not fucking poison me Teller, we never miss a show,” He said rolling his eyes. Against his better judgement he put it in his mouth. To his surprise it tasted of very little. Perhaps a little sweet, a little salty? Definitely none of the horrible oily plastic taste their old stuff had.

Penn dipped another finger in and tried it again. “You know that’s not bad, I could probably actually keep that in my mouth without needing 2 pints of mouthwash after. What’s in this?”

Teller smiled proudly, lips still covered in blood and fished out a piece of paper with a list of ingredients. Penn squinted at it. “You know if you’re not going to talk you at least need to learn how to write, I can’t read that tiny chicken scratch.” Teller gave him a look. “I do not need glasses. Look, just give me the cliff notes, Ok? Will this attract ants?” Teller shook his head. “How long can we keep it before it goes weird?” Teller held up three fingers. “Three days? A bit short but-“ Teller cut him off with a shake of the head and a wider grin. “Three weeks?! Are you serious?”

Teller reached under the counter and pulled out 4 large pop bottles filled with red liquid and labelled with dates in marker. These he could read. “Prove it.” Teller took the 3rd bottle and poured it with a flourish into a second mixing bowl. It was a bit gloopier, on the edge perhaps, but as Teller stirred it around it seemed to settle back into its original consistency. Penn took another taste test. It tasted a little stale somehow but not dangerous. “And we can water this down?” Another nod. “Teller I could kiss you! How is it in the equipment? The squeeze bulbs and things?” Teller held out his hand flat and twisted it side to side a little in a gesture of uncertainty. He then revealed that the funnel had been filling one of their hollow handled knives balanced on some kitchen towel.

Teller examined it for a bit before brandishing it at Penn and grabbing his wrist. “Oh here we go” Penn said in mock exasperation. Teller ‘cut’ a line up the inside of Penn’s arm from palm to elbow making a neat streak of red that seemed to swell and drip convincingly. “Now what are you gonna do? I’m covered in the stuff.” Teller recognised this for the dare it was and waggled his eyebrows at Penn before dipping his head to kiss the other man’s palm, getting blood all around his mouth in the process. Teller locked eyes with him and licked and kissed all the way up the bright line doing an impression somewhere between Gomez Adams and The Thing. Penn didn’t stop him. Maybe it was one too many late night horror film date nights in his teens but something about this was kind of appealing.

“Ok your turn!” He grappled the knife and whilst he couldn’t pull it out of Tellers hands entirely, he could press the knife against his partner’s throat. Squeezing his hand over Tellers produced a squirt of red liquid across his neck which Penn quickly dipped his head to lap up, trying to be as messy as possible. Teller twisted and tried to push the knife up towards Penn’s cheek. Penn grappled him backwards onto the couch and ended up pulled sprawling on top of him. Penn then became distracted by Teller’s bloody mouth trying to lick or nip at him, so much so that he lost hold of the knife although he did get a very gory sloppy kiss out of it. Both of them were very much intent on covering the other in fake blood when they heard approaching footsteps.

They both froze as Vince rounded the corner, looking up from his notebook to see a frozen Penn straddling over a recumbent Teller on the couch, both of their mouths covered in blood and Teller holding a knife that was slowly dripping down his arm. Vince sighed.

“You know I’m gonna start knocking even if the door is open from now on. I can’t even tell if I’ve walked in on the two of you having sex or trying out a new bit for the show because, frankly, both your sex lives and the show have gotten too weird for me to tell the difference. Or to care. Get cleaned up and I’ll see you in 5 minutes.” With that he turned and headed back the way he came.

Penn turned to Teller as though this was all his fault. Teller shrugged and bit him on the neck.

“Ah! You fucking vampire motherfucker get off me!”

**Author's Note:**

> I love P&T but there is no where near enough fic out there (and half of it isn't published). Vince is my own character. He replaces Carlotta as manager in my AU where everyone survives the events of P&T Get Killed. If there's interest I might post my gen(ish) drabbles from Vince's POV or some P/T slash.


End file.
